I’m recording a video for potential youtube use at the same time that I am writing in this blog and eating a pizza. So you could this a transcript, but I am also curious to see where it goes.
Because in the past, I have often times very much enjoyed typing as I was focused on something else other than the words on the screen. For example, I am now looking at my facial expression and actually I’m looking pretty sexy, almost like a Matthew Mcconahay (spelled that wrong) who just got out of the shower.
Very fucking refreshing shower it was too, because after my shift at Trackers, I was feeling fucked up again, in the head, hating on Portland and the Trackers job and anyone who i feel like i have to tap-dance my speech and self expression around because i may not be using their preferred words or behavior. But shit……let me bow out of that direction and speech for now.
What I did want to talk about more importantly was the autopilot mode i’ve been on….ok I just finished the 5 minute video. Eating pizza and talking and trying to type was becoming a little too much, but the top may be like a transcript.
I did lose a little focus in what I wanted to talk about, but I sort of finished the video with an intention, so I’ll finish this post with an intention. Daniel…don’t lose yourself to hating on Portland because of some of the frustrations you experience with things like traffic, with things like some (or even if it’s many) of the people you have encountered. You *could* even just look at it as the initial hurdles one has to get over when moving to a new place…like running the gauntlet in a fraternity.
Because this place of Portland *could* be fucking awesome. You love the street lights. You love the mornings and evenings, many of the parks, and the bridges. There is still a lot of potential here, so please please please don’t lose yourself to the things that you are not liking. Also anyone reading this of the physical or non-physical variety that could offer support or encouragement, I’d love to receive it.
Thank you. /Bow.
March onward, Heroes, X-Men, etc. You fucking rockstars.
P.S. I did want to mention that where I currently am is really neat relative (generally my life fucking sucks so I stress *relative* here) compared to the last post, because i have been going more in the route of small choices and a more automated pace of go go go without much thought. Similar to the “Unfettered Mind,” a Zen book that I was flipping through today.
P.P.S. In addition to what I said above about Portland, it does seem to be a reoccurring pattern of mine is that I will go somewhere kinda neat or start something cool, and I’ll just focus on the shitty aspects until I hate the place and then want to move on. I’m not quite sure how to change this, but it does seem like a very important battle of my life.