July 23, 2019 Bus and Bridges

Today was pretty decent. During the late afternoon, I blamed the decency on the Astrological lineup of <Sun trine Moon>. I’ve been noticing that whenever that occurs, things are generally setup for some pleasantness (at least for me – but that seems like it would be a ‘generalized pleasentness’ for possibly a majority).

One good thing was my afternoon quasi-nap. Might have dozed a little bit, but I also lied in bed for some time allowing my mind to quiet more. It may be a longer process than I generally appreciate, and it could be the case that falling prey to addictive behaviors for a day or two (or longer) may take more than a day for the effects to wear off.

Just like nicotine withdrawls. Haha maybe for the first time I could say “I am thankful for experiencing quitting smoking repeatedly to experience what a nicotine withdrawl is like,” because I’m pretty sure it may just be relatedly similar to any kind of “addictive behavior withdrawl,” and from my perspective, the ‘instant gratification’ push and ‘addiction society’ continues to try to leap forward, but it will only be able to go so far without a major crash.

I saw the cute coffee girl on my bus ride and walk. I stopped by and crossed over a neat-o bridge and took a photo with a caption I added: “man i sure do love bridges. definitely dont spend enough time hanging out with them.”

Found a good children’s book called “A Snicker of Magic” or something like that. Seems legit. Read more of “Unfettered Mind” which has some very good mental strategies, and I think even a section that looks very much like it’s talking about Manifestation and laws of Karma, which is neat considering supposedly how old the book is, and from a Zen Master.

Let’s finish this scattered post by advocating that we continue to stay away from distractive / addictive behavior. And continue to push for the belief that I can play Classic Wow without the addiction lol, and get more into my defined phrase of “Imaginative Practice.”

Cause Imagination is more important than knowledge. Einstein said so, and I agree with much curiosity. Understatement.

P.S. If there are any continued readers, I want to add especial for you that some of my posts may be chaotic, but right now my intention with the blog is almost purley quantity over quality, because I want to build the habit of ‘write write write’ with some consistency. Don’t know why I feel compelled to add that, but at the very least it is a good note for my self. ūüôā

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July 6, 2019 New Computer

Yesterday I received in the mail my Razer Gaming Laptop.¬† I’m still freaking out about it, but it also seems like I am calming down more.

Freaking out because I fear so much falling into patterns of addiction, and losing all of the ground and work I have been doing on myself in the last couple of years.¬† I’ve also been *very* aversive to tech, (with the exception of such things as indoor plumbing, motorcycles, and electric guitars – those have been and always will be awesome).¬† Right now I have two candles lit next to me, so I wonder if that helps.

But yes, I do worry so much about “going outside” and working those monkish type skills of meditation, and eliminating distractions, and the like.¬† Although this morning, again, I am feeling relatively calm and in charge of my mind.¬† Maybe because I am still wondering how I want to proceed here – maybe I am more paying attention and respecting the device, and maybe somehow I am *not* getting sucked into it as an addiction.¬† And maybe it is less overwhelming.

Because I can remember just not too long ago, where looking at a computer, even one just at a college campus and trying to do some homework online, it was all way too overwhelming and I could barely function.  And since this has grown less, I do still worry that I may be losing my touch with a greater life, losing my touch with nature and sensitivity and feelings.  There was even this awful moment yesterday as I was looking at my razer and there were four different cords protruding from it, and I had this awful visual that that was my life now, blended in with the cords.

Anyways, I write this piece to share the fear, and also to offer hopeful tidings that this will not be the case, that the computer will not drive me into ruin, that it will actually help and assist me in my goals.  Which now that I think of this, this must be the case if I continue to set proper intentions, because with the proper intentions, I should look at the computer in that fashion, as a support system for the things I actually care about, as a tool to not be afraid of, like a saw or a gun.

P.S.¬† I would like to add that the main reasons I got it were because I want to delve into the realm of Vlogging, or Podcasting, or uploading video recordings of speeches, or Twitch streaming, and blogging…things of that nature because I think I can do well in that world, and because it is a form of employment that I would not hate, if I can achieve some sort of income from it.

 

P.P.S.¬† I have also been *deep breathing* for a little bit due to feeling shortness of breath last night and this morning, and more importantly I have been listening to “Time” from the Inception soundtrack, and that is one of the most soothing pieces of music I love.

June 9, 2019 Pleasures of Observational Focus

This morning as I did some of my writings and meditations, I noticed that I am presently growing more fond of this observational stance, and enjoying the “non-attached” feeling and way of looking at things.

I want to go into more depth here, because I think this idea of “non-attachment” has been blown way out of proportion and is very misleading, at least from where I have traditionally viewed it.¬† Because the feeling I am learning more recently to enjoy more is Yoda’s version of non-attachment when he refers to Luke’s impatience as “Always his mind on the future, and never on where he was, and what he was doing.”¬† Because I am finding so much interest in value in the focus on what it is I am actually doing.¬† This goes into opposition from my usual stance of the “longing for bigger things,” which that focus of energy so frequently just *destroys* me.

Got lost into the world of distractions a little this morning, but not so much that I couldn’t get out of it with some 10 minute focused writings and enjoy those, especially enjoy the process of how they were bringing me back into a whole realm of focus.

Now it’s time for some breakfast – eggs and oatmeal, followed by a pleasant day of finishing up some writing papers.¬† First day of training work tomorrow.

Also P.S. watched the Netflix film ‘Mother’ last night, which was pretty neat in many regards, except I think it seemed like they couldn’t figure out what to do with the ending…or at least I didn’t get it.

P.P.S.¬† While flipping through some OKCupid profiles, I once again am at this confusing stance of looking at the girls as some whole grouping, or the choice of looking at them as individuals.¬† It’s a difficult dynamic.¬† Of course the grouping is useful in a psychological way, because they are all prone to that, but the individual is cool in a Soul kind of way, but the second you *think* that is more prevalent, you will get body slammed.¬† Interesting anyways.

Consistency and Amma, June 5, 2019

Recently when I purchased a ‘Gaming Laptop,’ this big black clunky piece of hardware that was a seeming mixture of something large and clunky, or military-grade tech.¬† (Either way it felt awful just having it in my house for a few hours, so I returned it), BUT

recently when I was working at getting this Gaming Laptop, a store clerk gave me a speech about consistency because I had let on that I was thinking about doing some Twitch channel (that thing where you record yourself playing a video game and people watch it, I guess as if you are the announcer AND the player of the game, which is kind of interesting to think about right now…maybe we should go into this later?),BUT

for the Twitch channel, or a Youtube channel, or anything where I would put myself on the internet as some celebrity entertainer and get money for it, she recommended consistency consistency consistency.

Ordinarily this term scares me, and I think my aversion to it is one thing that seems to severely impede my growth towards awesome epicness (fucking ICK….I almost wrote ‘personal growth’ or ‘growth as an individual’ but let’s get fucking REAL here….that kind of shit is not only annoying, but it is severely *boring*.¬† Let’s get back to awesome epicness).

The *caveat* though, is that either this girl who told me about consistency or someone else brought up the very important and relevant point that: Even though you are doing the same shit, it is *not* going to be the same every time.

BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO IMPROVE, YOU ARE GOING TO GET BETTER.  YOU ARE GOING TO LEARN DIFFERENT THINGS, TUNE AND REFINE.

With that being said, I write this post as an intention that I can get more consistent with publishing things.¬† Because it seems like a good idea to get myself toward an individualized income, AND to get my VOICE out there more so I don’t keep it shut in and quiet while everyone else is poisoning the frequencies.

And I’m in Washington.¬† Seeing Amma tomorrow.¬† Yay.

Sick At Home May 10, 2019

For the last few days, mostly yesterday, and a little bit the day before, I have been a bit sick.  A minor cold, but yesterday especially I felt the great wonderful feeling of just wanting to lie about, and it was nice, because that was the primary priority that I was to be doing.  It was the ideal activity for getting better, and I think it was also a nice help for cleansing more and quitting more of the smoking that I had recently re-quit (like 3-4 days free off it, after going at cigars and cigarettes for over two weeks, bleh!).  So getting sick, as I like to say, is still one of the best ways to quit smoking.  And in general, I think it offers a nice little life reset.  I am already starting to feel the incoming fresh energies, so I am curious to see where this goes.

Although now that I think of it, I don’t like using this phrase here – “I’m curious to see where this goes.”¬† While of course the curiosity is a good thing, I don’t like this mentality of the new age to just be “open to where it goes.”¬† Because I am wanting to learn how to take charge of my life, to have a role in directing where it goes.

Ok that is a good place to start.¬† (Good – now in this write-up, you are reading and witnessing me think as I write in the present.¬† Most of this I will not edit, except I will edit a little here and there for clarity, but it is fun having insights occurring as I am typing, which isn’t necessarily *new* for me at all, but it is often something that I don’t share with people, except when talking in the moment, and most of them don’t get super curious – they just kind of stand there either awe-struck or waiting until the crazy man stops talking.

ANYWAYS…let’s go back to “that is a good place to start.”¬† Because “…to have a role in directing where it goes” makes a nice agreement and ‘working with’ energy as opposed to either A) just seeing where it goes or B) forcefully trying to take dictator control of where it goes.

So to re-emphasize, “to have a role in directing where it goes” seems like a nice starting point, a place where the energy is still relaxed, but that I am playing a role, that I do have control at least in some arena.¬† Both are important.¬† And now I am rambling.

What then would my role be?¬† Choosing my physical location seems possible.¬† Creating and making specific plans is *still* a very delicate process for me, because it’s hard to get a balance point between “doing nothing” and “forcing a rigid structure that feels confining.”¬† He did already write a few things down today which seems like a good direction to go.

(Why is it a good direction?)

  1. It’s very simple.¬† I’m still recovering from the sickness, so nothing too huge.¬† Also not very confining because they are a list of 4 things, 1-3 words each.
  2. The activities are geared toward points of growth I think would help me better direct my growth.
  3. There is plenty of space within the perception of these activities and directions to infuse a more epic story, or a bigger picture, or more depth, (or a certain phrasing I can’t quite put to words right now), rather than just going along completing meaningless, unfulfilling tasks.

 

I’m going to stop here because this is getting too long, and has stopped going anywhere.¬† But was a good practice.¬† “Serenity” by Godsmack just started playing on Pandora, and the lyrics mentioned “thoughts….” and “When will we learn to control?”

Because as you can see, even in this post I was fairly scattered, but I do believe it is possible to, like the building energies I was talking about earlier, to more focusedly direct that shit rather than just scatter-gun it.

P.S.¬† Also I do want to add that being sick at home has helped me get more into the feeling of “home” at my new home.¬† I’m still just 2 weeks new here, and prior to this home, I have been mostly wandering the roads for 8 months, so it’s a big transition for me, but really important.

Thoughts of Early Morning

(*author’s note* The Below is some stuff I was going through in the wee early morning hours 4am of 9/21/2017…AFTER I got out of bed…and I decided to post this based on one of my reasonings below…)

Some fuckin’ dream‚Ķabout that I wanted to road trip to the North Carolina, but I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do there.

 

And mom was going to follow me.¬† And I didn’t like that one bit.¬† (And now my gaze is drifted toward a can that says “Slap ya mama.”)—–if I become OK with weird or ‘evil’ or ‘mean’ looking thoughts, will that help open my mind to more ways of thinking?¬† EX – imagining slapping my mama?——

 

The thoughts as I tossed and turned in bed were fucking annoyingly painful (not real pain, but annoying annoying angry stupid shit), UNTIL I DECIDED TO TAKE COMMAND.

 

Then they quieted down and the only thing that echoed was my resounding conscious thoughts.¬† (‘Echo’ is the wrong word here, because actually there was no echo, just me slowly booming my directives)‚Ķ‚Ķ..was I really *wanting* an Echo?¬† As if I were “wanting some kind of response?”¬† Wanting to get a reaction?¬† Reaction seeking?¬†

 

But another annoying thing in bed was how much it seemed I am just a ball of negativity, like…am I so feeling and thinking so negative so much of the time?

 

Also, after I read H’s text, I thought it best to ignore her.¬† (and not “her” specifically, but if someone says something I don’t like, then I don’t have to fucking respond).¬† Although the other fun idea (not with H’s text, but fun idea that popped up), the other fun idea was:

I can create a response I want to say.”

 

——————————————————————————————-

AND SOMEHOW PARTS OF ME THINKS THAT IS LESS HONEST THAN AUTOMATED “SAYING FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND???”

——————————————————————————————

                (Somehow, in some weird way…the *above* almost seems to imply it would be a *good*               practice to write for an audience…because then you are *more actively choosing responses* and       *choosing what you want to put out there*)

At least the forecast for the Full Moon coming up ‘seemed awright.’¬† And looking at the Astrology, there’s this reminder I guess of “You’re going through some shit‚Ķtake it easy, dawg.¬† However you’re feeling is OK.”

 

Going Easy on Yourself ———-VS———*NOT* settling for this shithole life

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† ‚Ķthis shithole “attitude.”¬†

WHAT IS IT? 

———————————————————————————–

ANYWAYS‚Ķthere *does* seem to be some sort of a shift, at least in the smallest recognizable way, of choosing things *not* because “I think it will get somewhere on the quest,”

but because “I don’t fucking feel like being that way,” or “I fucking feel like doing it, so I’m gonna do it.” ¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† FOR EX.¬† Choosing to FIGHT, or CONSCIOUSLY DIRECT MY THOUGHTS, *NOT* to achieve some END, but because I’d rather FIGHT than WHINE/BITCH

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† I’d rather DIRECT my thoughts than listen to them run their fuckin’ mouths

————————————————————————————–

 

LET’S STOP HERE AND REFLECT/REVIEW.¬† NO NEED TO ADD TO ALL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW.

 

P.S.¬† Ok, one last thing‚Ķstill curious on focusing on this idea of “What would it be like to let go of the past?”¬† (And I noticed how focusing on that, or at least remembering that key phrase, that almost *poof* eliminated any annoying thought that came up, because they were hauntings of the past)

 

OK STOP TIME

Daniel‚Ķ*don’t listen to anyone else’s perspective on what courage looks like, or what niceness is, or any of that other nonsensical bullshit.*¬† Because:

  1. A) They’re probably fucking wrong
  2. B) You’re playing a much different game than them.

 

 

“Until I decided to Take Command of this shithole attitude.”

Perception and Subconscious Programming

I have decided to forego the article on planning for the time being because

a) I was a chaotic wreck on the Taurus Full Moon because (I thought) I had a million choices to choose from and I couldn’t decide on shit, so I ran abouts like a chicken with head cut off, or that chicken from Mohana.

b) You can’t really plan when your mind is shit.

Thus, on my drive home this last weekend, I had three major insights I quickly memorized and grew to love (at least insights for me)


  1. ¬†Create with curiosity.¬† *NOT* by “desperately trying.”
  2. If it looks like hard yuck work you wish to accomplish, then you’re in the wrong mindset or you’re looking too big (which is also a part of the wrong mindset).
  3. (AND FOR ME, THE MOST IMPORTANT) The longer you FOCUS on something, the better it goes in your subconscious.

#3 came about because I was trying to memorize #1 and #2 on the drive, because I had nothing to write with initially.  Some (or all) of these points may seem straightforward to you, but let me explain the *power* (at least for me, the way my theorizing goes).

 

Earlier in the day, I’d been memorizing lines for my French presentation, so that I could recall what I was going to say during our awesome performance.

What is going on when, as a student, you are memorizing information?¬† (Something, up until now, I have been LOATHE to do…in fact, I advocated “writing shit down so I WOULDNT HAVE to remember…”).¬† Essentially, it seems like you are putting conscious information into some realm of your subconscious to be drawn forth later.

So…”the longer you focus on something, the better it goes into your subconscious.”¬† The more you study, the better you remember, etc.¬† (And of course feel free to add in any splice of “studying tactic” that helps put things deeper down, whatever).

BUT WTF ARE WE CONTINUALLY FOCUSING ON IN OUR DAY TO DAY???


Next major point…if you have ever studied the Greek/Roman Philosophy of Stoicism (it’s awesome, give it a shot!), there’s a lot of talk about “what’s IN our control, and what’s NOT in our control.”¬† After the first time I went to Stoic Camp (3rd time’s a charm this May 15th!), I began to wonder:

What if all of my actions were out of my control?

Modern Psychology seems to give evidence to this point…if you have ever heard of those experiments that show “People make a decision BEFORE they are aware they made the decision.”

Thus, my line of thinking went “Well shit…if most of me is autonomous, then maybe I should focus my efforts on programming myself how I want to be.

The MOST RECENT evidence I came to within myself for this came along with point #3…

HOW MUCH OF THE SYSTEMS IN YOUR BODY ARE AUTONOMOUS?¬† Blood pumping, erections, getting wet (hell yeah you know I can’t NOT add some sexual shit hahhah), nerves firing, etc.¬† So if our physical body is MOSTLY AUTONOMOUS, why wouldn’t the rest of our perceived world be mostly autonomous too?

With our FOCUS…how much do you think you could REALLY OPERATE without autonomous systems?¬† Seems to me ye can only FOCUS on one thing at a time (unless you’re some awesome magical Sage, whereas rumor has it those guys can split their physical forms in two or some shit….).


Ok NEXT POINT, and then this shit all ties together.

Physical reality…is STILL just PERCEPTION.¬† The perception you get from your senses, and your mind’s interpretation, etc.

What if this MATTER…is you could say just “structurally MORE SOLID” than thoughts?¬† Imagination, flights of fancy, etc.?¬† Especially, if it’s all just energy?¬† Couldn’t it be just a “more solidified, more ingrained” version of thought?¬† Created from the subconscious?¬† More rigidly ingrained in the subconscious?


SO……..in tying it all together:

If you want to change your life, ya go with the shit you hear all the time about “change your inner world, change your perception,” but they don’t fucking tell you HOW.

For me, it starts with these THREE POINTS…and then spending as much time focusing, creating, STRUCTURING AND SOLIDIFYING ideas/thoughts I would PREFER, and then LET THE SUBSCONSCIOUS and AUTOMATIC SYSTEMS do their work…

(The trick here, at least for me…is it’s kind of catch 22…because I think I have to enjoy/want more the pictures/images in my head and NOT CARE how the physical turns out…definitely some fine tuning and shit…)


FINAL NOTE – this is all just my own theorizing, shit I’ve been working here and there for the past few years, but I am adamant that life can be enjoyable, and not a miserable fucking mess.¬† lol.¬† Take what of this you will, but if you have something to add, I’d love to hear about it.¬† Until them, I’ll be working on meditating/memorizing these 3 points, among a *few* others (And BONUS with the memorizing them…it helps slow down my thoughts…which is generally ALWAYS a good thing, HAR!)

Prelude to “Planning for Dreamers”

Fuck yesterday.

Started out o.k. humpty dumpty.¬† Made it to the coffee shop to work on my life’s blueprint.¬† The gorgeous coffee girl who gives great personal attention was there.¬† Saw an old co-worker friend there from oh about 9 years ago.¬† Made it to the gym and beat the shit out of the punching bags (I’ve only done this 3 times now, but beating on punching bags is becoming my fav), working on destroying some perceptions.¬† Took a nap in the middle of campus.¬† Drove up to Vidabou, too much snow, so went to Happy Jack.¬† Did a little walk in the nowhere, got to a sitting/viewing spot, starting talking out loud, and then cried.

A lot.

NOT like the day before, where after leaving Beauty and the Beast, I was getting deeply emotionally sad about being lonely, was going to put on some music in my car accordingly, but my phone decided to start with “Kings Never Die” and continue with Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop.”¬† The music clashed with my emotions, but usually I support the notion of “when weird fate intervenes, go with it, at least for a little bit.”¬† What happened was my deep heavy emotions transmuted (yes, I think this is a bit of some¬†real alchemy here folks…done it a few times, but only a few, so not really sure how it goes, but it’s good shit) into some heavy somewhat-badass-somewhat-mad-but-super-focused-goodness.

Not so with Happy Jack.¬† Let loose with victim tears.¬† However, one small little tiny hopeful thought en route back to car was “You can’t be lonely, Daniel, because I’m here.”¬† Like, I don’t know how many ya’all are fond of splitting yourself up, but I LOVE IT.¬† So here, it’s one part of me saying to another part of me “Through thick and thin, I got your back.¬† I won’t leave you.¬† Regardless of people, regardless of dose fockin’ Angels, etc., I WILL BE WITH YOU ALWAYS.”¬† Reminded me of one idea I had a monthish ago of spending more time with the notion of “The Warrior and the Boy.”¬† The Boy is awesome, but if the Warrior goes off charging somewhere leaving the Boy unprotected, he becomes very sad (and the fockin’ Warrior DOES have a huge habit of charging off places).

More crying at home.¬† Watched the movie “Gone Baby Gone.”¬† (I guess it was Ben’s director debut.¬† Is anyone else SUPER HAPPY that he’s gone from getting made fun of for ‘Pearl Harbor’ to becoming a badass director?¬† Is he a producer too?¬† I really don’t know what producers do…).

Now it was 9:45pm ish.¬† Nothing left to do.¬† Earlier I had wanted to play a perception game, see if I could create a perception for myself along the lines of “excited to go to the bar” or “excitedly believing I might fuck.”¬† And if I achieved that perception, I’d go out.¬† If not, oh well, then I’d stay in.¬† Didn’t try to create the perception.¬† Probably because I went to Vidavou instead.¬† Whatever.¬† Tried to sleep.¬† Sleep seems to be the drug of choice (at least for me) when I’m despairing and nothing in life sounds worth doing.¬† I do *NOT* support it.¬† Fuckin’ sleep if you’re tired, but NOT when you’re wide awake.¬† For anyone that’s ever been locked up in something like an institution, maybe you also found it disgusting how they drug people to sleep for days.¬† “They’re recovering” say the doctors/staff/nurses.¬† Bull-fucking-shit I think…they’re fucking zombies.¬†

There is a reason why depressed people sleep A LOT and they struggle to even get out of bed.¬† And the reason is NOT because “they need their rest.”¬† Stupidestfuckingthinga’kjdkfoiaufdjflk;dj.

Woke up at 2am.

Fuck that too.

Often, I’m excited to wake up in the middle of the night, because it’s often a calling for something special.¬† Fockin’ Spirits woke me up…they don’t do it just to fuck with you (well, maybe for you, but I have not experienced such before, to my awareness).¬†

But I was not pleased…still depressing funk.¬† Sat on the couch for¬†a bit, staring at the wall or my space around my apartment.¬† Eventually pulled open one of my old journals from way back when…two points came up:

  1. As I rode on a train next to a cutie, I wrote about her and worried that if she saw what I was writing, if she would think I was a creep.
  2. David Burns & daily schedules

The #1 doesn’t fit into this story, but I’ll just say “fuck that mentality of EVER wondering if you are being creepy.”¬† At the stop light on my way to the library today, I saw two young college girls in yoga pants waiting to cross the street.¬† Cute.¬† And the nice yoga pants, where the ass is perfectly showing, and maybe even a little bit of cooter (that’s¬†one of the¬†words for vagina, right?).¬† But I couldn’t keep staring if I wanted to, because “someone might see” (I think she even might have when she looked hahah…maybe she just looked to see if it was safe to cross), “and think I was a creep.”¬† Now here’s the FUCKING REALITY OF IT PEOPLE…These girls CHOSE to wear yoga pants.¬† Yup, their choice.¬† Good for them.¬† But MY EYES are MY CHOICE.¬† And WHERE I decide to put MY EYES…IS NEVER CREEPY.

Yeah…sure it feels a little weird for people to look at you, or even stare at you.¬† I’m actually quite fascinated by WHY THIS IS…(easy to come up with a few solid theories).¬† But GUESS WHAT.¬† It’s out of your control.¬† Not up to you.¬† For your whole life, people are gonna look.¬† So this is where we put on our big boy-and-girl pants and deal with it, right?

ANYWAYS…(lol see how easy it is for my mind to get off topic?)

#2…Daily Schedules…Planning

PLANNING is what I was up for, what would take me out of my present funk.

(TO BE CONTINUED IN “PLANNING FOR DREAMERS”)

Bedtime Thoughts on Worship

Sometimes I’ll have great ideas in ‘inconvenient’ places or situations.¬† I say inconvenient because “Shit, I can’t really write this down right now!”

Or

“Shit I don’t want to write this down right now because _________ (I’m tired, drunk, high, etc.)”

Or even…

“Dude, you don’t have to write all this shit down….”

(haha that last one gets me…one of those that I still have some trust issues to deal with I suppose)

ANYWAYS

The idea went like this:

“WHY DO PEOPLE WORSHIP GOD?”¬† (Or The Universe, or Allah, or whatever it is that people worship, whatever special word you want to use.¬† I like God.¬† I grew up with it, and I haven’t seen/felt any sense in replacing it.¬† Maybe “Mystery” or “Divine” but whatever, now I’m rambling.)

Because…do you REALLY BELIEVE God (etc.) would WANT to be worshipped?

Think about it…who WANTS to be worshipped in everyday life?¬† (In LOTS, if not MOST, if not ALL of my questions about spiritual/magical/whatever natures, I tend to take my clues from the physical world)

= Your Stalins, your Maos, (I’m in a Chinese and Russian history classes right now, heh), your Kardashians, your Trumps (hehe).¬† “Look at my Trump-Penis-Gold-Brick-Tower!”

But your typical “greats?”¬† Did they ever give one flying fuck about whether people worshipped them or not?¬† NOT that I can imagine (unless some had a little bit of a Zoolander personality, in which case I imagine that is just FUN ūüôā¬†¬† (and insert something about not giving a rat’s ass to the “flattery of fools”)

NO.¬† If they had stuff to share with you (the world), then maybe they were just happy to do so, NO CREDIT NEEDED, because probably their ego wasn’t really there…

Isn’t HUMBLENESS supposed to be one of those great virtues?¬† If it really IS….and supposedly God is supposed to be higher up than the ordinary person on the Virtue list…..then Their (He/She/All/Whatever)¬†HUMBLENESS ought to be a little taller than the twin towers.

(*OH SNAP* couldn’t help tossing in a lil’ morbid joke there, ha!)

Borrowing an example form Christianity (the language I’m most familiar with).¬† I can’t remember my homie Jesus ever saying “Bow town and grovel at my feet!”¬† Nah, dude even started out by WASHING others’ twinkle toes.

And of course He may have been OK with people laying down palms at his feet and calling him Lord…because why not?¬† Is he going to say “No, it’s NOT ok for you to be fond of me?”¬† Doubtful.

People (or whatever beings) that NEED to be worshipped…I imagine there has to be some vanity issues there…or insecurities….NOT traits you would give to an Almighty, eh?

OK….I’ve drilled this point home.¬† The only other thing I have to say, is maybe I need to re-evaluate what the word “Worship” means.¬† I DID get a little excited when I thought “Warship” LOL.¬† Whatever.¬† Go play with your own mind-thoughts now.

 

P.S.¬† As I was putting in some awesome #tags, I thought of the word “Idol Worship.”¬† -> “Don’t warship any idols, I say!” was one commandment.

Idol worship -> ok nevermind I lost it.¬† Maybe something like “Don’t even make ME an idol.¬† I just want to be your friend!”

Potential Regret

4/6/2017

1:57pm

 

0:20 “You’re most scared of…”¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† “…unfulfilled potential.”

So…as I was walking to get my lunch (because I’m hungry) out of my car, a new insight dawned on me.¬† Like Emma Watson (when I saw the¬†trailer to The Circle for the first time, I thought “Yeah, I know what you mean,”) living a life *NOT*¬†“living up to my potential” KILLS ME inside.¬† (As I’m sure it does a LOT of people blessed/cursed with ambition…).

In fact, it’s one of the biggest points of anger, frustration, and regret I have…because I see so much there, but SOMETHING is blocking me from it…

But the INSIGHT I received while walking to get my lunch (because I’m hungry) was:

“WAIT A MINUTE, FUCKER….what does “potential”¬†imply?”

————————————————————————————————————

 

po·ten·tial
p…ôňąten(t)SH…ôl/
adjective
adjective: potential
  1. 1.
    having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
    “a two-pronged campaign to woo potential customers”
    synonyms: possible, likely, prospective, future, probable; More

    “a potential source of conflict”
noun
noun: potential; plural noun: potentials
  1. 1.
    latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.
    “a young broadcaster with great potential”
    synonyms: possibilities, potentiality, prospects; More

    “economic potential”
    • the possibility of something happening or of someone doing something in the future.
      “the crane operator’s clear view reduces the potential for accidents”
  2. 2.
    Physics
    the quantity determining the energy of mass in a gravitational field or of charge in an electric field.

So sayeth “Google” (haha……The Circle……lol).¬† Ignoring the Physics definition (although that IS interesting to explore later *maybe*), we have:

“potential is what YOU ARE NOT.”¬†

 

 

So obviously there is an “error in brain-coding” going on here, that¬†LEADS TO……….frustration, anger, regret, sadness, etc.

 

YOURE FUCKING YOUR OWN HEAD UP WITH FAULTY THINKING.

 

NOW….there’s something MORE here than meets the eye…….but I’ll let the subconscious take that on because I’ve other interests for my conscious for now.¬† Ther’es some magic key more here………¬†