August 5, 2019 Self Talk While Chopping Watermelon

(The following is a transcript I recorded of speaking to myself while chopping watermelons on August 5, 2019, around 9:00pm).

(*background meditation music with bells and chimes*)

Alright, we are recording now.  Live, with the Daniel in the Evening Show.  Pulling out some water.  Ice cubes.  To drink, and already feeling resistance, feeling resistance using my voice in this manner.  Because,  maybe because…does it just feel awkward?  Does it feel unnecessary?  Does it feel wrong?  Does it feel wrong doing it?  

Anyways, about to cut this watermelon here.  And the wrongness is not a factor because we are just warming up.  We are just practicing.  And focus now, bringing the focus now and cutting up this watermelon, and bringing the focus back to the notion that “A Solution Exists.”  A solution exists.  That is what I would like to talk about.  And stay in that realm of thought, and conversation for a while, and direct energy over there, because I am not satisfied, I am not satisfied with just allowing…um…continuing…let’s see what words we would use…this notion that, uh, that negative mentality…of everything being like that, and continuing on like that…this endless cycle of exhaustion and then repeat.  

So, let’s say that you don’t have to feel exhausted upon, upon leaving work, you don’t have to feel exhausted in the evening.  (*chop chop* noises).  Oh and this watermelon could take some time to slice.  That’s ok.  Slicing it into chunks, because that seemed like a good idea.  Easily snackable chunks.  Easily snackable chunks – just putting them in a ziploc baggie here.  

Um….the thoughts just drifted back to work (after a long pause of speech with only some chopping and moving sounds of the watermelon), and with that being said, you know, oh here we go – this is kinda fun to talk about.  

Ok I have been working at and dickering around with the idea of Twitch streaming and I guess that would be not so different, not so different than what I am doing right now.  Especially if we took the analogy of turning Life into a Game, then the Twitch broadcasting flows right there with it.  Right there with it.

And so the work, uh, I would love to have that not be exhausting.  And there could be a solution for that too.  Uh…a solution exists. And right now as I speak those words, and right now for the first time since starting this recording session, I am aware of my voice and the words I am saying…Isn’t that fascinating?!  (*Voice begins to pick up in earnest, motivation, changes tone from flat to more inspired*)  

That’s super fascinating.  Let’s see.  We’re at 7 minutes and 35 seconds, and in that time, just now, after seven minutes and thirty-five seconds, I am finally consciously aware of my voice and my speech.  

How crazy is that?  How crazy.  And that’s good, see.  Here’s another good thing that I would love to mention right now.  Is that I started this whole piece quite awkward.  Rewind it to the very beginning, and you’ll see how I was feeling like “What the fuck am I doing?”  You’ll see how I was just recording and was just going to push through and call it a warmup, and it is exactly just what the fuck that was, and so, right now, maybe, and you can hear I am starting to get a little more artistic and emotional with my speech here, and this is fuckin’ fantastic, this is good shit.  I am starting to enjoy this – even if we are not staying on a perfect topic, these ideas are still floating around this space and the ether for example, for example I remember how we started with a solution exists, that he does not have to be exhausted getting off work, and one of the examples that I had for that was a weird one, I say weird because it seems weird in my mind, of playing Final Fantasy 6 when he gets off work, some kind of continued process, of movin to the next step, moving to the next stage, and this, and this uh…that was a good idea and in and of itself, and we want to give a little hooti hoot energy too, and stay there a little bit.

And I’ll tell you what, what is so cool what I’m doing right now, what I’m doing righ now is so cool because of what I’m not doing right now, and what I’m not doing right now is not allowing mindless chatter to go on in my mind.  I am not allowing that.  I am dis-allowing that.  And that is a bare minimum of what is going on right now.  Of course there is meditation music in the background and we are chopping watermelons, but what also is going on right now is playing with conscious voice and every once in a while, for example right now when I said every once in a while, becoming aware of my own voice and how I am speaking these things.

So the awareness that I am using is shifting between the ideas I am playing with, versus shifting to how I am manipulating my voice.  Not quite that so much, but more observing and hearing the words come out of my mouth as I am speaking them.  And for now I think I am going to rest this speech, and I may pick it up again in a second.  

But we’ve reached 12 and a half minutes, and that’s badass.  I’m going to put this whole transcript of recording on my blog.

July 29, 2019 Note from Journal Entry

Yesterday I wrote a page in my notebook that I thought about putting to the blog. I wrote it while out for a walk at Seaside, one of my favorite beaches. It was done in a more observational, reflective tone with lots of pause and space in between. Also I think it’s relevant to add that the tone [or lens of perception] I wrote in was “sad & depressing.”

July 28, 2019

6:08pm: I found the perfect little secluded place to watch the ocean.

Someone has done some good work here – it reminds me of Tom Cruise’s cabin in Oblivion.

Pretty little fat bumblebee wandering on the bush.

I don’t want to go back to Portland.

I wanted to write: “How the fuck am I supposed to write without coffee, cigarettes, and alcohol?”

Not that I ever wanted to be a writer. I’m not quite sure how I fell into doing it, but it does seem like he became quite reliant on those written words.

So much of the journey, and guidance from spirit still seems to indicate that it should be easy and that I keep fucking up.

I really like this spot.

Portland Observations




What would I like to talk about first?

(Organize by events?)


Portland is still a curious mystery.  The initial arrival into the city had me thinking it was sort of unimpressive.  I crossed the Columbia River in Vancouver, the north end in Washington, and everything looked like just another ordinary city.

But continuing south on the freeway, taller buildings opened up on the horizon on a small hill which looked to be the real heart of Portland.


So this brings up point number one: Portland really is this small isolated city, and surrounding it is lots of the civilized wasteland of America that consists of mostly nothing.  It seems to create this pocket, because wandering around Portland, you don’t feel the busyness of the outside world.  It remains distinctly Portland, and a small feel that can allow you to not feel claustrophobic or surrounded.  (In fact, walking around on the East Side, you borderline forget that the rest of the world is there).  The traffic sucks and is not fun to drive in, but I was just informed upon coming to the hostel tonight (Tuesday the 26th) that the public transportation in the area is really good, that in addition to the busses, which I saw one cute girl with bangs get on earlier this evening, there are some cool trains that are cheap and easy to maneuver with (I have since ridden a bus, and yes it is quite nice and easy.  Sadly, no cute girls with bangs on my bus…bangs…bus…bangbus…heh).


But I didn’t start out in Portland.  I started in the Columbia Valley River Gorge area.  I wanted to do some hiking in this area of majestic-looking photographs, and as I drove along highway 14 along the the river, there was some very pretty scenery of the gorge.  I stopped off at this locking causeway dam to use the bathroom, started singing the Goldeneye James Bond theme song, and there I found out that just across the highway from the dam was where a section of the Pacific Crest Trail cut through.  Fuck YES that was PERFECT.




(MORE on the gorge and PCT…)


I headed up the hill looking for a cafe to look out over the Portland area and chill and write and drink a coffee.  I never found a cafe, but I did find an awesome forest called Washington Park (Or Mcklennan Park, or Forest Park?  I would ask people later about the park on the hill on the west side, and they never fucking agreed on what the name was) that had these mossy stairs (*picture of staircase*).  I wandered these woods with other exercisers and nature-goers.  Found an Indian statue titled “Coming of the White Man,” and these Indians looked pointedly on alert, haha.


At the top of the park, I found a dude and chick who were bicycling.  As I approached them while they were stopped, she put a miniature boom box in his back bicycle pouch that played music.  Hell yeah.


Coming out of the park, I found a construction man who assured me that if I followed the road under construction, I would loop back down to the main city area.  I followed this loop around what appeared to be a giant hole in the ground with a giant wall.  I asked a construction chick what she was making: “What are you making?” and she got confused.  “What am I making?”  And I said “Well, your group.  You are a part of it, right?”  I at least wanted her to feel like a contribution to whatever bigness was going on, haha.  And she said it was a renovation of the dam I think.  Which is kind of interesting, because I think I heard there are a lot of dams at work in the area being built or restored, and maybe some nature people are opposed to the environmental impact or something.  Personally I don’t know.  Dams are impressive looking structures and a neat source of power, and a really cool scene in the James Bond film “Goldeneye,” but a big part of me wonders if it is like rivers are veins and arteries of a continent, and if you are damming them, then no good can come of that (just like in your body).

(Although….Beavers build dams and that seems to be ok…and water seems to have an uncanny ability to just redirect itself and follow new courses wherever it goes…so maybe dams aren’t bad, I dunno…but Beaver dams are SMALL, and very UNobtrusive to the flow of the river, and while dams may not be harmful to the river or water, they *may* be harmful to the land, just like damming veins or arteries isn’t bad for your blood, it would probably be bad for your body.  ANYWAYS…)


Then I came out of the above and down back into the main city.  Great.

And so the above hilly area was awesome.  Reminded me of The Goonies in the beginning where they all live.  Very iconic of the Pacific Northwest I think with the hills and mossy trees of the Ewok home and the *coolest shaped houses in the U.S.,* many of which can look almost like castles.  (Maybe it’s a hybrid of traditional New England Houses with Southern Plantation Houses and Southern Coastal Houses?  That seems like a fairly accurate description).  However, I knew this area was probably for the rich fockers, which my Lyft driver accurately described later as “Yuppies.”  Those people with big money from elsewhere coming to cool places.  The houses still looked neat, and someone’s front garden smelled SO WONDERFUL (LOTS of neat houses in East Portland too…some almost with yes a very much ‘swampy’ feel that was also apparent in Wilmington, NC…so that’s interesting).


Came back toward my hostel because I could tell I needed to use the bathroom.  Good thing too because it was getting ready to rain, so my umbrella in the trunk of my car finally got some awesome use.


Ate breakfast at the hostel.  Got a little mentally lost browsing the internet’s future plans for my upcoming road trip and stuff.  Muddled my noggin’ good.  Shits.  Finally left to clear my head and began wandering toward Powell’s Book Store, a famous used book store in Portland.  Browsed the books, spent too much time and muddled my head again, haha, but thankfully I ended up turning down 2 of the 4 books I had in my hand (I really have no business getting 4 books, seriously).  Left to clear my head and wander further.


Made my way down to what I think was Old Town.  Saw Voodoo Donuts and yes, they had the line.  So no, I wasn’t going to wait.  One dude complimented my “Salt Pouch,” which technically I guess that is what it might have been intended for in the store I bought it, and other people like to call it a “fanny pack” or “purse,” but after hearing the name pouch, I think I liked that, but henceforth it is my “Jones Pouch,” aptly named for Indiana Jones.  (Traditionally I have viewed it in a military-esque fashion as something for my missions or operations, but Jone’s exploration is much better I think.  At least for now).


I tell him thank you, but then he wants a dollar.  “No thanks,” I say, and continue further.  Looking for a cafe or place to have lunch, I wander, and eventually cross a bridge over into Portland on the other side of the river, which I would come to learn is quite different).  Spent a lot of time on the middle of the bridge taking in the awesome views up and down the river with the rain lightly falling while holding my umbrella and the rumbling of the bridge under my feet as traffic pounded over.  A good moment that I was hesitant to leave.


Started wandering the eastern side of the river.  First thing I ran into was a small glaive with a tree in the middle and some of those balancing stones.  And above the glade, EVEN MORE stones (*See two pictures*)  These balancing stones are seemingly massively popular across the sates (and maybe the globe?  I dunno), mostly I think with new-age-neo-spiritual crowds.  And I fucking hate them.  Haahah.  I think they are pretentious as fuck, and happily when I saw a few by the river in Spokane, I kicked them all over.  YES!!!  (If you see these stones, I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about, like they give you the impression that you think you really shouldn’t knock them over, like it would be sacrilege to someone else’s creation or whatever, but I happily read some Forest Ranger’s article that “No, we do not want you to create balancing stones.  Please leave them as they lie.”  Haha.  And I like to knock over people’s metaphorical “pretentious stones).”  I DID NOT, however, knock over these stones because there was some homeless looking dude in the glade, and I don’t need to piss off the local hipsters too much too quickly (although I DID tear off one of their “EATING ANIMALS” bumper stickers ‘cleverly’ placed on a STOP sign haha).  It’s not like I felt anything spiritual about the glade, and that is what I thought it was made to look like, but in case it is a meaningful spot, I’m not right away wanting to jump in and fuck with it either and earn some animosity of some spirits.  (I’ve actually been running up against lots of PETA people in recent months or years, so either their movement is growing, or maybe I should experiment with not eating animals for a month or so, see how my body and mind reacts.  The point is that gorillas don’t eat meat and they are still beastly fucking boys).


After the stone debacle, I shortly came to what I will call the “Hawthorne District” (based upon the other Hosteling International Hostel that is over there) and I decided to make the other Hostel my general destination in a roundabout fashion.


And it was wandering over here still pondering this mystery and confusion and curiosity that was Portland that some beginning solid idea began to take hold.  It was “If Portland were a color, then it would be like a dull orange, like a faded rust color, almost a brown.  But rust in a positive sense, which is hard to pinpoint.”  Conveniently, around this time there were some perfect pictures to help illustrate the idea that was forming.  So rust in a positive way, like maybe an old heirloom that is ready to be polished off.  Or a brown, where it would be a combination of a great many things and colors, but mixed together in a sort of confusing sense.  (*See two pictures, building and orange puddle*).


So yeah, it was definitely positive (albeit nothing so glorious), and I began to feel that maybe Portland itself had a vague or confusion notion about itself, which I came to love as more time and pondering went on because I thought that matched me rather well, and this is perhaps why I was having difficult pin-pointing how I felt about its murkiness because I have the same struggle in myself, and for anyone that has given it any effort whatsoever, it can be a struggle to pinpoint and get a feel for who they really are.


Some examples of this brown confusion of mixture – the yuppies on the hill.  The obvious Far Left Liberals with the BLM and Impeach Trump signs, and interestingly enough a strong element of “Resist” Movement that seems like some sort of Feminist thing, although likely radicalized to some degree, like they want to see themselves as soldiers or something.  [TOO funny that we played “Resistance” last night, and DOUBLY fun(ny) and interesting that EVERY game I was a SPY hahhhah].  But add to this the amount of strip joints, including the one I went to last night where the bouncer was happy to be open about his support of Trump.  He said that someone once asked if he was nervous about voicing it in this environment, but he was like “I’d like to see them step up” (because as a bouncer should be, he was a big solid dude who is not afraid, and likely eager, to see someone want to fight him).  Not that he will go looking for a fight (unless maybe he’s drunk?), but he is more than happy to have one come his way I suppose.

(And this was the second time that I’d heard Conservatism wasn’t THAT unheard of in the Portland area.  Just at a wedding I was at in Spokane, my good friend and old roommate John said he was definitely interested in the Portland area, and he is about as Texas conservative as you can get, although he is an intellectual too, and a fairly good open-minded thinker).


ANYWAYS, can’t explain too much of the intuitive feelings I get of places and people, because likely it is like:

  1. Doesn’t make enough sense to people, and I don’t like trying to explain those things if people aren’t going to get it anyways and
  2. It might be like a Joke, where if you try to explain it, it won’t be funny.  Like the explanation might TAKE AWAY from the sense of it.




I continued wandering on and the Hawthorne District was awesome, my favorite, which I wasn’t expecting because it didn’t have the hills.  It was more flat, but far more “small town college” feel of lots of beautiful trees and scenic walking areas, quiet.  Probably more of a cultural and creative side, (where the west end of the river was more money, yuppies, tourists, and partiers.  Funny enough, my Lyft driver later pretty much confirmed this.  Which was NICE to witness, because I’m really good with this shit, even if I still lack much confidence in the work.  She said she even picks up so many people from the east side of the river to take them home back across the river to the west side haha).  Found the best vintage clothing store in the world where I only had a short time inside, but found a great jacket that was described as “Sexy, stylish, vintage Navy harbormaster jacket.”  Perfect long blue lighter coat for spring/summer with gold buttons.  I think I’ll have to go back there tomorrow if I have time because there were so many other potential treasures.


So Portland…after 1.5 days…it is still ‘City of Mystery,’ but not mystery as “big glowy mysterious” but mystery as maybe in “Archaelogical site” or gemstone in the dirt or something…there is much to be unearthed here I think.  Even my hike yesterday when I found the Pacific Coast Trail was symbolic in that it’s an amazing epic hike far off from what mainstream America would do, and yet I crossed this cool ass bridge called “Bridge of the Gods” that had no pedestrian way, so you’re blaringly crossing right next to cars, and I imagine this would feel shockingly disjointed for anyoen that truly hiked the PCT for months on end.  A shellshock with civilization.  And yes even when I crossed, there was a small tourist town I went down into because there was a park right on the river below I spotted, but the town felt really out of place with the rest of the hike.


Thus, Portland is this tiny little spot in the midst of a sprawling mass of rest of city that is a city of not really anything.  And so far it creates a nice strange little bubble that I can’t quite put my finger on yet.  And again, it’s not like a strong driving curiosity, those things which are EASY to follow, like a big cave or old castle or whatever, but more like a ‘quiet riddle?’  (Maybe like a painting that catches your eye for some unbeknownst reason you don’t know why, but you find yourself just staring at it for hours, seeing more and more?  Hmm…





Departing Portland this morning.  I added a *tiny few* notes above this morning to clarify some points, and did some small edits.  One thing I forgot to mention was on my first night in Portland, walking around it seemed like it was really “dark,” like not well lit.  Not sinister dark, not dangerous dark (although I’m sure those elements exist – I’ve heard tales of various break-ins, so that seems popular), but I have decided it is ‘shadowy dark,’ which I absolutely love.  And oddly enough someone I asked about this didn’t seem to think it was dark at all.  So maybe it was just me noticing this, maybe not.  But maybe the dark and the shadows also have something to do with helping keep it a mystery and a bubble.


I learned there is also a solid occult community in the area which I am excited about.  My barber/hairstylist yesterday named Lida, who would be PERFECT for my future beard and hairstyle (she mentioned “Skullet or Jedi Rat-tail,” which I thought would be awesomely perfect for my future).


I also found Mt. Tabor, a giant hill-mound in East Portland that just kind of rizes up out of nowhere, but is really neat for views and stepping out into nature for a bit.  And walking more in East Portland, yes definitely confirm a good small town feel.  Many many many blocks and streets over there are super chill and easy and pleasant to stroll down.


And Portland feels less rusty this morning.  I think that analogy still really fits for some days and areas maybe, but it may be changing.  CLAY might be a better image for it?  Hmm…lots of cool mossiness everywhere though, so can’t ignore that part.  And overlooked, unappparent mystery that doesn’t necessarily dazzle but slowly draws one in is still rather fitting.  (Like a good hike?  Hmm…)


ANYWAYS…that’s about it.


  1.  Final Notes

Last night at the titti club, so many girls and so few guys, overwhelming haha felt like my eyes were popping out, wanting to look everywhere, not just at the scandily clad or naked girls, but at the dynamics and the situation and the environment…who the people were, how they were reacting, etc.  Also kind of curious to watch the stripper in the way she moves her whole body and form, rather than just watch her eyes, boobs, ass or pussy.


But more importantly, when I got dropped off by my cool Lyft driver back at the hostel, some either drunk or crack-dude stumbling about tried to talk to me or ask me a question, and I do what is best and completely ignore them and not give them attention, but he kept persisting and trying to ask and talk to me, and when he recognized I wasn’t going to talk to him, I heard a loud “FUCK YOU” before I got in the hostel and gently closed the locked door behind me lol.  

Which brings up a side note is that while in Portland, I noticed a lot of people yelling at different times.  So I wonder if it is a yelly city, or just something I was queuing in on while I was here for a few days.  I mean the yelling would make sense if they really do strong radical groups…


Thoughts of Early Morning

(*author’s note* The Below is some stuff I was going through in the wee early morning hours 4am of 9/21/2017…AFTER I got out of bed…and I decided to post this based on one of my reasonings below…)

Some fuckin’ dream…about that I wanted to road trip to the North Carolina, but I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do there.


And mom was going to follow me.  And I didn’t like that one bit.  (And now my gaze is drifted toward a can that says “Slap ya mama.”)—–if I become OK with weird or ‘evil’ or ‘mean’ looking thoughts, will that help open my mind to more ways of thinking?  EX – imagining slapping my mama?——


The thoughts as I tossed and turned in bed were fucking annoyingly painful (not real pain, but annoying annoying angry stupid shit), UNTIL I DECIDED TO TAKE COMMAND.


Then they quieted down and the only thing that echoed was my resounding conscious thoughts(‘Echo’ is the wrong word here, because actually there was no echo, just me slowly booming my directives)……..was I really *wanting* an Echo?  As if I were “wanting some kind of response?”  Wanting to get a reaction?  Reaction seeking? 


But another annoying thing in bed was how much it seemed I am just a ball of negativity, like…am I so feeling and thinking so negative so much of the time?


Also, after I read H’s text, I thought it best to ignore her.  (and not “her” specifically, but if someone says something I don’t like, then I don’t have to fucking respond).  Although the other fun idea (not with H’s text, but fun idea that popped up), the other fun idea was:

I can create a response I want to say.”





                (Somehow, in some weird way…the *above* almost seems to imply it would be a *good*               practice to write for an audience…because then you are *more actively choosing responses* and       *choosing what you want to put out there*)

At least the forecast for the Full Moon coming up ‘seemed awright.’  And looking at the Astrology, there’s this reminder I guess of “You’re going through some shit…take it easy, dawg.  However you’re feeling is OK.”


Going Easy on Yourself ———-VS———*NOT* settling for this shithole life

                                                                                                …this shithole “attitude.” 



ANYWAYS…there *does* seem to be some sort of a shift, at least in the smallest recognizable way, of choosing things *not* because “I think it will get somewhere on the quest,”

but because “I don’t fucking feel like being that way,” or “I fucking feel like doing it, so I’m gonna do it.”  

                FOR EX.  Choosing to FIGHT, or CONSCIOUSLY DIRECT MY THOUGHTS, *NOT* to achieve some END, but because I’d rather FIGHT than WHINE/BITCH

                                I’d rather DIRECT my thoughts than listen to them run their fuckin’ mouths





P.S.  Ok, one last thing…still curious on focusing on this idea of “What would it be like to let go of the past?”  (And I noticed how focusing on that, or at least remembering that key phrase, that almost *poof* eliminated any annoying thought that came up, because they were hauntings of the past)



Daniel…*don’t listen to anyone else’s perspective on what courage looks like, or what niceness is, or any of that other nonsensical bullshit.*  Because:

  1. A) They’re probably fucking wrong
  2. B) You’re playing a much different game than them.



“Until I decided to Take Command of this shithole attitude.”

How My Mind Works When I’m Restless But Ok

(The following is me sitting in acoffee shop….for about an hour, hour 15 min.?  Today was crazy, not in “shit happened crazy” but “energetically crazy” as in, “I NEED TO DO SHIT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO” which is quite often where I am…but….well just read it slowly…..because I WROTE IT SLOWLY….that’s how it was meant).  Essentially, this is as close as you may get to inside my mind and how it works, when im focused on being aware).



Q: What does your heart say?


(Is it as simple as: “Whatever you create with your thoughts, do it with love?”)


Q: Are you ok Daniel?


I’m FINE (said in an angry voice). 


What does it feel like?


Like…there’s something I *should* be doing…but I don’t know what…


Are you ok with not *shoulding* on yourself?


Yes…maybe…but I *wonder* if the NOT CREATING is the reason I’m restless like this…


But YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, right?  That is your assumption?




I’m with you Daniel.


Thank you.


I wonder what she’s doing right now…


(Funny how that was kind of a nice thought, but then there were whispers that said “don’t worry about her!”  But…why not?  If that thought is pleasant?)


I wish I knew how I worked.


What if you did?


GOOD JOB on not going destructive.


Let’s go observer mode.




A part of you seems to be *scrambling*

(Which part?)

BECAUSE…I think we had this thought earlier…if you TRULY ARE IN COMMAND…THEN YOU CAN choose to sit here at the table in peace.



The scrambling part…it’s got to be the one that thinks “Gotta do some shit!”

(…even though I KNOW it is best to NOT do shit, unless you do it out of LOVE)


This is why we take the cold showers…to see how it’s ok for the *scrambling* to take place…


I wonder if this is like when all that shit attacked the Buddha…and he sat there in his peace…


DARK HORSE!!!  Listening to music is actually quite awesome.


(Are we getting comfortable with this energy?  Instead of running from it?)


I’m calming down…and now “Sexy Back” is playing….HAHAHAHA……maybe I AM bringing “Sexy” (Me) back……


I think it IS good to go home tomorrow…the weather won’t be terrible.  And I think you’ll be more relaxed at home.  It’ll be really nice to see Heather I think.  As long as you keep your cool.


Ready for a chapter in “Game?”  haha.  After ALL, Daniel…we are NOT needing to *create create create!* haahhahhah……….NOT UNTIL WE HAVE OUR CENTER!!!!


(“Disturbia” – “feels like I’m going insane, yeah!”  hahhahahhahha I KNEW there was a reason I loved this song.)


“A disease of the mind, it can control you!”    LOLZ  fuuuuuuuuck THIS SONG……


***BONUS HINT for you fuckers (the readers)……..THERE IS A GOOD REASON FOR WHY YOU LOVE THE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE…….pay attention and get curious about it.


9:42pm  Now I’m maybe getting a little buzzed.  2nd beer and trollin’ some facebook, but it’s FUN.  Is DARK HORSE really on again?  Or was it a different song earlier?


9:43pm  OK….OMG it was E.T…….those songs ARE familiar so, please forgive me.  And as I thumbed through the songs I have listened to, I WANT to say “Fock…..time has SLOWED DOWN!”  But….I forgot I took a few minutes to troll facebook with the evil clown from Saw….hahahah.


10:05pm  Ok now I have to pee….let’s post this transcript.  BECAUSE!!!!!