How My Mind Works When I’m Restless But Ok

(The following is me sitting in acoffee shop….for about an hour, hour 15 min.?  Today was crazy, not in “shit happened crazy” but “energetically crazy” as in, “I NEED TO DO SHIT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO” which is quite often where I am…but….well just read it slowly…..because I WROTE IT SLOWLY….that’s how it was meant).  Essentially, this is as close as you may get to inside my mind and how it works, when im focused on being aware).

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Q: What does your heart say?

 

(Is it as simple as: “Whatever you create with your thoughts, do it with love?”)

 

Q: Are you ok Daniel?

 

I’m FINE (said in an angry voice). 

 

What does it feel like?

 

Like…there’s something I *should* be doing…but I don’t know what…

 

Are you ok with not *shoulding* on yourself?

 

Yes…maybe…but I *wonder* if the NOT CREATING is the reason I’m restless like this…

 

But YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, right?  That is your assumption?

 

True…

 

I’m with you Daniel.

 

Thank you.

 

I wonder what she’s doing right now…

 

(Funny how that was kind of a nice thought, but then there were whispers that said “don’t worry about her!”  But…why not?  If that thought is pleasant?)

 

I wish I knew how I worked.

 

What if you did?

 

GOOD JOB on not going destructive.

 

Let’s go observer mode.

 

OK!

 

A part of you seems to be *scrambling*

(Which part?)

BECAUSE…I think we had this thought earlier…if you TRULY ARE IN COMMAND…THEN YOU CAN choose to sit here at the table in peace.

HAHA

 

The scrambling part…it’s got to be the one that thinks “Gotta do some shit!”

(…even though I KNOW it is best to NOT do shit, unless you do it out of LOVE)

 

This is why we take the cold showers…to see how it’s ok for the *scrambling* to take place…

 

I wonder if this is like when all that shit attacked the Buddha…and he sat there in his peace…

 

DARK HORSE!!!  Listening to music is actually quite awesome.

 

(Are we getting comfortable with this energy?  Instead of running from it?)

 

I’m calming down…and now “Sexy Back” is playing….HAHAHAHA……maybe I AM bringing “Sexy” (Me) back……

 

I think it IS good to go home tomorrow…the weather won’t be terrible.  And I think you’ll be more relaxed at home.  It’ll be really nice to see Heather I think.  As long as you keep your cool.

 

Ready for a chapter in “Game?”  haha.  After ALL, Daniel…we are NOT needing to *create create create!* haahhahhah……….NOT UNTIL WE HAVE OUR CENTER!!!!

 

(“Disturbia” – “feels like I’m going insane, yeah!”  hahhahahhahha I KNEW there was a reason I loved this song.)

 

“A disease of the mind, it can control you!”    LOLZ  fuuuuuuuuck THIS SONG……

 

***BONUS HINT for you fuckers (the readers)……..THERE IS A GOOD REASON FOR WHY YOU LOVE THE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE…….pay attention and get curious about it.

 

9:42pm  Now I’m maybe getting a little buzzed.  2nd beer and trollin’ some facebook, but it’s FUN.  Is DARK HORSE really on again?  Or was it a different song earlier?

 

9:43pm  OK….OMG it was E.T…….those songs ARE familiar so, please forgive me.  And as I thumbed through the songs I have listened to, I WANT to say “Fock…..time has SLOWED DOWN!”  But….I forgot I took a few minutes to troll facebook with the evil clown from Saw….hahahah.

 

10:05pm  Ok now I have to pee….let’s post this transcript.  BECAUSE!!!!!

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