August 5, 2019 Self Talk While Chopping Watermelon

(The following is a transcript I recorded of speaking to myself while chopping watermelons on August 5, 2019, around 9:00pm).

(*background meditation music with bells and chimes*)

Alright, we are recording now.  Live, with the Daniel in the Evening Show.  Pulling out some water.  Ice cubes.  To drink, and already feeling resistance, feeling resistance using my voice in this manner.  Because,  maybe because…does it just feel awkward?  Does it feel unnecessary?  Does it feel wrong?  Does it feel wrong doing it?  

Anyways, about to cut this watermelon here.  And the wrongness is not a factor because we are just warming up.  We are just practicing.  And focus now, bringing the focus now and cutting up this watermelon, and bringing the focus back to the notion that “A Solution Exists.”  A solution exists.  That is what I would like to talk about.  And stay in that realm of thought, and conversation for a while, and direct energy over there, because I am not satisfied, I am not satisfied with just allowing…um…continuing…let’s see what words we would use…this notion that, uh, that negative mentality…of everything being like that, and continuing on like that…this endless cycle of exhaustion and then repeat.  

So, let’s say that you don’t have to feel exhausted upon, upon leaving work, you don’t have to feel exhausted in the evening.  (*chop chop* noises).  Oh and this watermelon could take some time to slice.  That’s ok.  Slicing it into chunks, because that seemed like a good idea.  Easily snackable chunks.  Easily snackable chunks – just putting them in a ziploc baggie here.  

Um….the thoughts just drifted back to work (after a long pause of speech with only some chopping and moving sounds of the watermelon), and with that being said, you know, oh here we go – this is kinda fun to talk about.  

Ok I have been working at and dickering around with the idea of Twitch streaming and I guess that would be not so different, not so different than what I am doing right now.  Especially if we took the analogy of turning Life into a Game, then the Twitch broadcasting flows right there with it.  Right there with it.

And so the work, uh, I would love to have that not be exhausting.  And there could be a solution for that too.  Uh…a solution exists. And right now as I speak those words, and right now for the first time since starting this recording session, I am aware of my voice and the words I am saying…Isn’t that fascinating?!  (*Voice begins to pick up in earnest, motivation, changes tone from flat to more inspired*)  

That’s super fascinating.  Let’s see.  We’re at 7 minutes and 35 seconds, and in that time, just now, after seven minutes and thirty-five seconds, I am finally consciously aware of my voice and my speech.  

How crazy is that?  How crazy.  And that’s good, see.  Here’s another good thing that I would love to mention right now.  Is that I started this whole piece quite awkward.  Rewind it to the very beginning, and you’ll see how I was feeling like “What the fuck am I doing?”  You’ll see how I was just recording and was just going to push through and call it a warmup, and it is exactly just what the fuck that was, and so, right now, maybe, and you can hear I am starting to get a little more artistic and emotional with my speech here, and this is fuckin’ fantastic, this is good shit.  I am starting to enjoy this – even if we are not staying on a perfect topic, these ideas are still floating around this space and the ether for example, for example I remember how we started with a solution exists, that he does not have to be exhausted getting off work, and one of the examples that I had for that was a weird one, I say weird because it seems weird in my mind, of playing Final Fantasy 6 when he gets off work, some kind of continued process, of movin to the next step, moving to the next stage, and this, and this uh…that was a good idea and in and of itself, and we want to give a little hooti hoot energy too, and stay there a little bit.

And I’ll tell you what, what is so cool what I’m doing right now, what I’m doing righ now is so cool because of what I’m not doing right now, and what I’m not doing right now is not allowing mindless chatter to go on in my mind.  I am not allowing that.  I am dis-allowing that.  And that is a bare minimum of what is going on right now.  Of course there is meditation music in the background and we are chopping watermelons, but what also is going on right now is playing with conscious voice and every once in a while, for example right now when I said every once in a while, becoming aware of my own voice and how I am speaking these things.

So the awareness that I am using is shifting between the ideas I am playing with, versus shifting to how I am manipulating my voice.  Not quite that so much, but more observing and hearing the words come out of my mouth as I am speaking them.  And for now I think I am going to rest this speech, and I may pick it up again in a second.  

But we’ve reached 12 and a half minutes, and that’s badass.  I’m going to put this whole transcript of recording on my blog.

August 1, 2019 Stream of Consciousness

(The below is from a journal entry of August 1, 2019, while I was initially waiting for the bus. I continued for most of my bus ride home, roughly about an hour-ish. Then as I concentrated, I began to feel panicky, tried some deep breaths, but came out of it as I was working more on some controlled breaths, leading to a cool powerful conclusion)


6:35pm: Speech Writing.

That is the stuff I’m talking about! Pizza and speech writing and a movie? It all seems to be a bit much for tonight, does it not, Sir?

The movie could have to do with the Leo Moon energies … and the Dicaprio film was a possibility, but as he heard, the whispery echo reverberate from his speech writing, he began to relax.

And he knew that everything was going to be ok,

as he began to understand what it means to let go

and enjoy an unfolding new direction of what conscious creation entails.

Long has the curiosity held him of whether or not he was creating the tension with his longings of wanting it now, and straining too hard with forces he isn’t yet familar.

En route back to home base, he keeps his wits about him without constraint, but adopting more of the Tiger energy … Not afraid to harness that energy,

because it seems that ofttimes the second he “tries to focus” on something, the panicky force comes around.

… is he, by his campfire, afraid of his own mind, of falling into that mental chatter that pulls him down into despair?

Remain with the Tiger.

Get that breath control down … it seems important to avoid the panic.

Tiger’s Breath.

A fighter’s breath

… and the breath has helped you to stay present when facing that addictive pull of video games.

your breath has helped you to keep an even keel

when sailing the ship,

and navigating [not treachurous, but high adventurous waters] seas filled with sparkling luring treasures of awesomeness, but also lots of icebergs, and debris of pain from the ships of previous voyages,

of previous attempts to fly.

[The crazy wild pirate would help you out infinitely there…

HA! It’s good to be cautious and careful, it’s better to be courageous than cautious … but still it’s best to be crazy.

A tempered crazy … yes … Now breathe;

it seems yes like Mercury is full underway direct,

and praise be the gods may they shine down their assistance (is there a god who is the patron saint of angels?)

and tie in our willingness to go full speed ahead without looking back the other way, because ultimately it does not matter WHEN WE PLAY THE LONG GAME and maintain lookout and sights on the BIGGER PICTURE, because the ping pong of your decisions and the confidence you build in making decisions and trust in yourself to make decisions as you proceed forward as you press onward.

Steady as she goes.

NOT like the Titanic.

Thank you Jack Dawson.

P.S. Finding out how coffee withdrawls led to depressive-like symptoms has increased my resolve to rid myself of this addiction. The other day when I celebrated saying goodbye to coffee, I was whistling the Christmas tune Ben Afleck does at the end of the great movie Reindeer Games.